I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
