i permit you to call me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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