Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
