How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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