He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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