Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
