i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
