if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
