Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize