Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
