this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
