I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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