Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
