why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
