Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
