If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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