Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
