We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
