I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
