I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
