just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
