he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
