just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
