I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't turn off my feet"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
