Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
