Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize