i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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