he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My cat gives me a boner
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
