Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
