Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
