Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
