I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize