You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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