her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
