i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
