So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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