and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
