i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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