Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
