You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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