FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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