your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
