: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
