member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
