He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
