Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize