i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
