my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
