we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
