If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
