Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
