you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
