Just cropdusted the office
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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