I look better un-naked...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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