So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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