He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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