the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
