You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
