Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
