she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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