I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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