YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
