I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
