So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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