It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
