You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
